


North Star

by EmilyFairy



Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Angst, Extrasensory Series, M/M, Pre-Whose line Is It Anyway?, Vancouver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-07
Updated: 2006-07-07
Packaged: 2019-04-23 09:21:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14329374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyFairy/pseuds/EmilyFairy
Summary: All I feel is you, surrounding me with your arms, like the constant you've been in my life for the last eight years. You're my North Star, and I use you, always, to guide me home. But now you're leaving, and I'm alone in the dark, wondering if I'll ever make it back without you to light up my sky.





	North Star

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Colin POV, set in the same universe as The Extrasensory Series, which I WILL be posting AND finishing, finally! :) It takes place when Ryan leaves Colin behind to go to Second City. A personal favorite of mine, but it was never archived on Clay's site, so it may be new to some of you.

You never have been good with goodbyes. Yet here we are, outside of your apartment in the middle of the night because you didn't want her to see us, arms wrapped around each other. Your hair is highlighted near golden by the streetlights, and your breath is warm against my ear. 

I don't know how long we've been standing like this, my head against your heart, your hands stroking my back. Your shirt smells like laundry detergent, and the soft flannel tickles against my chin. One of your buttons is cutting into my cheek, but I stopped feeling it a long time ago. 

All I feel is you, surrounding me with your arms, like the constant you've been in my life for the last eight years. You're my North Star, and I use you, always, to guide me home. But now you're leaving, and I'm alone in the dark, wondering if I'll ever make it back without you to light up my sky. 

You squeeze me every once in a while, just to make sure I'm still there, and I push my face into your chest, letting you know that yes, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, and why can't you say the same? 

And I know that isn't fair, asking you to give up your big break for me, but I still want to. I want to know why it was you, why it's always you, why it's never me. Why I'll never be good enough to come with you. 

I lift my head and look into your eyes. They're haunted with pain, love, and memories. And I shut my eyes, not wanting to see.

I see you anyway, when I lift up my hand and touch your face. You gasp, and your shoulders tense, but you don't pull away, and I don't drop my hand. Your skin is soft, and I move my fingers up, across the hollows of your cheekbones. You're skinny, you've always been skinny, and I dip my hand down for a moment, caressing the ridge of your Adam's apple, your slender neck. 

I travel across your chin, trail my fingers up along the side of your face rough with stubble, across your forehead. I trace the fine, short hairs of your eyebrows with my thumb, stroke your eyelashes with the back of my hand, linger along the smile lines surrounding your eyes, memorizing every one. 

I smile when I reach your nose, and you let out a puff of laughter that warms my fingertips. I know you're expecting me to tease you, but I keep my eyes closed as I stroke your nose, touching it with tender fingers. I'm making sure you know that even though I'll never say it, I think your nose is beautiful. 

You don't say anything, but your hand makes its way into my hair, and you trace circles around my bald spot with your fingers. 

I trail my fingers downward, brushing them over your lips. They curve underneath my touch, and I imagine how soft your lips would feel, pressed against mine like they were once, years ago… 

I begin with my thumb, swiping it across your bottom lip. You part your lips beneath me, and I take two fingers, letting them drift across the damp warmth of your open mouth. And you allow me to, because tonight, the rules don't apply. 

Your hand clamps down on my wrist, a groan escapes from your throat, and you press kisses to each of my fingers, damn near sucking them into your mouth. I whimper with every burst of sweet heat, and you kiss my fingers, again and again… 

You stop, and I feel something drip onto the tip of my index finger. I bring it up to my mouth, tasting salt, and my hand slides back up to your cheeks. They're wet, and the patches of skin below your eyes are leaking tears. Your thin frame is shuddering, and you clutch at me, your fists in my shirt, needing me to fill your every empty place. 

I cry too, burying my head into your shoulder, stroking the curls along the back of your neck. And I don't open my eyes until you let me go. 

You stare down into my eyes, tear tracks staining your cheeks. You touch my face once, fingers light and hesitant, and then you turn and walk away, the darkness swallowing your path up the steps, back to her.

 _I love you_ , you call over your shoulder, and I close my eyes as my heart thuds with pain. Because it figures that the first time you tell me that is when you're leaving me behind. 

I wonder if I'll ever see you again.


End file.
